Superheroes in our Hearts

As a kid you dream of becoming a superhero, you want to fly anywhere, save the world, be invincible and be stronger than anything that confronts you. You idolize these people because of the special powers they have and the way the use them. That’s every normal kids childhood, but it was different for me. Don’t get me wrong, I loved superman more than anything, but the way I saw it, my parents were my own superheroes. They were the protectors of my world. But just like a kid, when one of your superheroes falls, it’s the worst feeling in the world, and that’s just what happened to me.

We are a country family, we always have been. We lived on a farm, we bread cattle, we had chickens, dogs, horses, all the standard country livestock and even though I love being a farm kid, my dreams were bigger than staying there for now and they knew that. I have no doubt I’ll end up back on the farm one day.

Playing basketball and football as I grew up was always difficult when most of the competition resided in the city, and when you are too young to drive - it falls back to mum and dad. Every problem I had with school, they’d fix it. If I had problems in basketball, they’d step in and take over. They’d be there to direct me with any situation and help me grow as a young man. I feel very confident in saying that without their influence over my life in many different ways, I wouldn’t be the man I am today.

I’ve never seen my dad cry, nor did I think I was ever supposed to. He is the man of the house, the alpha male, the rock of the family, and the day I saw him break down was the day I started to question everything I ever believed in. It was a weekend and I was at the gym, only to return to my car to find 20 missed calls from my sister. Immediately I knew something was wrong and I called back and she said to get home as soon as possible as mums test results didn’t go as planned. Mum had been having some health issues, and even though recent tests said she was fine, she knew she wasn’t, and kept pushing the issue with the doctors. Something I used to get irritated by, the fact she would be so concerning if I even coughed once, was something I took for granted being an immature teen. The shield she would protect me with, was something I wish I could have forever.

I got home and was met at the door by my dad, and before he could get any words out, he just broke down in tears and hugged me. He told me that mum had cancer. I just fell down, and those three words were pounding on my body like a hammer, it was unbearable. She was my superhero - she’s not supposed to fall? This isn’t how it’s supposed to be. I started to question everything. Why did God let bad things happen to good people? My mum was the perfect woman, why her?

I told my mum a couple of days later that I wasn’t going to college in America anymore, I had to be here for her. She wouldn’t even let me finish my argument before she assured me that it would only hurt her more if she knew the reason I wasn’t chasing my dreams was because of her illness. She told me I had to go, if not for myself, then for her. She was unselfish like that; she would go out of her way to make sure I am happy no matter what the cost. That’s what made her so special. She may not be able to fly, or shoot webs out of her hands, but her love and affection were the only superpowers I ever needed.

Going to school on the other side of the world when your mum was battling cancer was a tough thing to get used to, but I managed. I managed because I knew she was stronger than anything that she would face.

There were plenty of days during my first years at college where I wanted to pull the pin and leave. Things were just too hard for me, maybe I was struggling in class or on the basketball court, and any little thing seemed to be magnified. Especially my freshman year when I broke my foot and had to sit out the entire basketball season. I just didn’t want to do it anymore, and worse off, I didn’t think I could. Yet my mum was the first to remind me that things could be worse. She would message me everyday letting me know that if she can smile and fight this then I could get through anything. She shielded me from all the thoughts that told me to give up and quit, and it made me realize just how incredibly strong my mum was.

Just as I thought that maybe we would get through all of this, I received the phone call from my dad that I had been dreading. It was time to go home. Not even 12 hours after I hung up the phone, I was on the plane heading to Australia. I managed to spend a good week with my mum before things started to go south. As she was sitting in her hospital bed, we’d just talk all day and every day. We laughed. We cried. We hugged and we just enjoyed having the whole family together. We talked about my best memories with my basketball and we spoke about what the future held. She just told me how I could do whatever I wanted in my life, I just had to keep flying.
            A week later, she passed away.

Something I had tried so hard to prepare myself for, hit me like a train I never saw coming. It hurt, it still does hurt, but I know she’s never really gone. I sat in that hospital room that day, and I just gazed at the sky. The sun rose from behind the clouds and touched my face, and I knew it was her. At night, I just sit in my room and talk. There’s no one else around, but I know I am not alone. There’s no one to talk back to me, but I know someone is listening. I may not be able to hear her speak to me anymore, but I can definitely feel it. Sometimes I catch myself smiling for no reason, and I realize it’s her. Sometimes I cry, and I feel her arms wrap around me. It’s not the same as it used to be, but it’s just as comforting.

Now I ask myself, how can I ever say thank you to the hero who not only made me the man I am today, but gave me everything I would ever need? There are just no words to do it justice. Instead, I have something to live for each and every day. To fight like her. To smile like her and to ultimately live on through her strength and love forever.

She didn’t lose her fight. For every day that she smiled and fought it, she beat it. The way she raised our family and protected us was proof that she was something much more than a superhero could ever be.

She was an angel. And she forever will be.