My Pursuit of Happiness

To a lot of people, stepping away at 27, from playing a sport I lived and breathed since I was a kid, seemed like an interesting choice that I may eventually regret. But for me, it was the only choice. 

Whilst I tell my story and what I’ve learnt in a lot of depth, in a keynote speech to many different schools/groups/businesses, I’ve been meaning to share a very small snapshot of how this all happened. 

 

When I say it was my only choice, I’m referring to my only choice if I wanted to be happy again. Because for a while there, I was anything but. And after everything I had been through in the previous years leading up to my decision, I had learnt the hard way that life is too short to be unhappy. 

 

Everything I am now and everything I have learnt about myself, came from my Mum in the years she battled cancer before she passed away. To see how someone who was going through such a battle and still find a way to be happy, really opened my eyes to what is important in life. She never showed her pain or complained but would rather do everything she can to make everyone else smile around her and it seemed to bring her nothing buy joy in return. That was so powerful for me to experience and it was something that would ultimately change my life.

 

In 2015 when she passed, I had made a promise to her that I would finish what I started at college. She had always taught me the value of education before sport. That meant that I would go back for my fifth year and complete a Master’s degree in Media/Journalism, which had always been my passion. When that ended, I knew I wanted to play professionally and see how far that could take me. I felt like I owed that to myself to experience.

 

After being away from home for five years, I was ecstatic to learn that I was going to have a chance to play for the Townsville Crocs when I returned home. That excitement didn’t last long, as they folded soon after, which left me bound for England to start my professional career. Without getting too deep into it, my six-month stint in England was a living nightmare that ultimately led to the small cracks in my mental wellbeing opening up. I was far from happy and spent many days in tears to my partner, wondering what I am going to do next. 

 

A lot transpired in the following years after I left that situation and I was so thankful to be back home and playing in the NBL. Through a couple of minor setbacks and some lucky breaks, it was a dream come true to sign with Melbourne and win a championship in my rookie season. After that season, I felt like all the obstacles and setbacks in my life had finally been and gone… until they weren’t. It was pretty early into my second season, I felt those small cracks reopening and I had no way of stopping them. 

 

Ever since my Mum passed away, I have always suffered with anxiety. Thankfully, it’s never been anything on a major level but it’s enough to know when it’s controlling me. Whether it’s a big life moment or something small, from time to time, that feeling of being trapped in your thoughts/fears is something I never thought I’d have to deal with. I’m thankful that I have found ways of coping with that now. But more than that, I'm thankful to have learnt and grown from each situation. However, when it came to basketball and my career, I had no way of escaping it.

 

For all professional athletes, these thoughts and feelings are completely normal and can occur consistently. But for me, this anxiety became unbearable and ultimately led to me losing the love for playing the game. Every practice and every game was a challenge to overcome my thoughts on what’s next. As it grew bigger, I could see it turning me into someone I never wanted to be.

Basketball has taken me all around the world and I've played at the highest level possible, leaving me with incredible memories that will stay with me forever. In my mind, I had achieved everything I could have dreamt of with playing the game. I’d seen some amazing countries, won championships at every level and got paid to play the sport I grew up on. I had ticked every box I wanted to ever since I first picked up a ball as a kid.

 

However, it also meant for a long time I was never settled off the court. My partner had moved to Australia from America to start a new chapter of our life together. Between playing SEABL (NBL1) and NBL, we moved house seven times in 3 years. This required her to find a new job each and every time, which started to take a toll on me. Knowing how much I was asking of her, to pick up and change everything, in an effort for me to keep playing basketball. With that came the constant anxiety of being on short and small contracts, which meant it was crucial for me to find a good offseason contract so I could make a decent income. That’s just one of the realities of professional sport not many think about until they’re in it. The fear of the unknown.

I admire so many of my old teammates and pro athletes because of what I know now and have personally been through. I never wanted to burden anyone else with my thoughts/fears because it's just basketball right? It's just a game of putting a ball in a hoop yet my cracks had opened up and it changed me.

 

When that second season ended, I knew I had to do something about it. It wasn’t fair to be continuing down this path and it definitely wasn’t healthy. So I asked myself a simple question:

 

“What makes me the happiest?”

 

I wasn’t looking for any cryptic answer - rather trying to find that meaning in myself. And it became clear that it was in front of my face all along. Because that’s what my Mum had taught me. It was time for me to put someone else’s happiness before my own and see where that takes me. 

 

For so long I had focussed on me. My path. My goals. It was time for a change. I knew my wife had found a job she enjoyed and was living in a place she loved - this was my starting point. To see that smile meant I would be okay. Everything else would take care of itself after that.

 

I had the chance to go back overseas or three opportunities to continue playing in the NBL but two of them required moving once again. I knew I could not do that. I also had to ask myself just where I saw myself in three years, if I kept playing. That was an honest and somewhat sad reality. 

 

We loved living in Melbourne and I was lucky enough to be surrounded by such prominent sports media. I made, what was at the time, a very hard decision to hang up the boots and move on. 

 

It was no doubt an uncertain couple of months as I figured out how to get into the door of my next chapter. Trying to use my other passion and my degrees to start fresh on a new journey. But at the same time, I felt settled and a strange sense of comfort.

 

Thankfully, I was able to start doing some media pieces for United and then waited for an opportunity from the NBL to do what I do now. About halfway through the NBL20 season, with just a few months under my belt, I found myself sitting in bed and thinking about where I’d come from. It suddenly dawned on me that for the first time in a long time, I was happy. Not just with work but in every facet of my life.

 

It’s been an incredible first three years of this journey and there is still so much to learn and grow going forward. I’m so thankful to those who gave me a chance to do something that I love. To be able to talk about the game, meet, chat to amazing people and help share their stories is another dream come true. Every year is exciting and every year I get to learn from some incredible people and continue to grow.

 

Perhaps though, the most rewarding part of all, is that I now get opportunities to speak to a bunch of different people through a keynote address about my entire journey and the things I have learnt and continue to deal with (along with some entertaining anecdotes). Being able to shed some light on coping with grief and mental challenges in sport/life is something I feel very strongly about.

 

When I look back at where I was just three years ago, as a person, husband, friend, and soon-to-be father, I couldn’t be happier to know I’ve managed to find a way through - using the lessons I learnt from the woman who inspired me the most.

 

I still deal with many anxieties and troubled moments but I feel they’re less damaging to me now - because I found my own way to deal with it and the happiness I choose to surround myself with. 

 

Life has three rules: Paradox, Humour and Change.

 

-Paradox: Life is a mystery; don’t waste your time figuring it out.

 

-Humour: Keep a sense of humour, especially about yourself. It is a strength beyond all measure.

 

-Change: Know that nothing ever stays the same

 

Dan Millman (Peaceful Warrior)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pay It Forward

I haven’t written a post in a while, mainly because I really only choose to write them when I feel like something is directing me too. And today I feel compelled to share some things that I have experienced recently

PAY. IT. FORWARD.

I have been trying to employ these three words into the way I live my life ever since my Mum passed away. As I had written in previous posts, my Mum used to always preach to me the importance of putting others first, before yourself, and that when you make other’s happy, there is no better feeling in the world. Through everything I have been through and continue to go through, I try to embody this simple yet important message in my life.

In a simple definition, paying it forward is the simple task of doing good by someone else without expecting anything in return other than hoping they then continue that trend onto someone else and so on.

For the last couple of months, while I play for Ballarat in the SEABL, I have also been spending 3 to 4 days a week at a school in a “mentoring” role. Everyone on both the mens/womens teams do extra community work throughout the week, whether that be coaching or running clinics etc. However, after doing those hours last year, it was decided that this year – myself, Sam Short and women’s captain Joy Burke would be used as ambassadors/mentors at different schools in Ballarat to help out with students/classes that need our help. To be honest, when I had heard about the idea, I wasn’t sure what the role would really consist of and didn’t know whether it would be worth the time. Until today…

My role has consisted of spending these days at the school doing one of two things. One of these is that Joy and I do “Leadership” programs with three different classes a week for an hour each. However, it isn’t so much discussing how each student can be a leader like a captain etc, but rather how each student can find different ways to lead in their own lives. Whether they are battling something big or small that they can figure out ways to respond to it and help them grow as they get older etc. Half of our sessions involve different leadership activities to get the students engaged and thinking conceptually, and then we finish by me sharing with them the personal story of my own loss and growth with my Mum's cancer battle while I was away at college. It’s more than just showing a video of a miracle shot or talking about playing professional sport, but rather breaking down with them the choices I had as I went through that difficult time and how to move forward. We encourage the kids to find us at school when we are walking around and talk with us or send us emails if they need to chat, just to know that there’s always people for them to talk to other than teachers, whom most are afraid to speak to anyway.

The other days, I spend up in a student support room. It’s a room where kids can come to speak with people if they’re struggling with things or just need a break or to calm down. It’s a great initiative for a school to have. While I’m there, I get assigned hour blocks with different kids across the week, to just spend time with them and grow a relationship throughout the school year. For the most part, these kids have real troubled or sad backgrounds with tough homes. For the last few weeks, I have just spent time with them and just talked about different things in life, from sport to fortnite, just trying to grow a relationship with them. But today was different…

Today I was spending time with one of the students and some older kids outside on the basketball court, trying to get them to tell me why they keep missing school and getting into trouble. Full of responses like “F*$k school, I don’t need it anyway” and “they treat me like S*%t here” sometimes it’s hard to break through to these kids. We’ve all been there, through high school and the bad times, so you can understand some of their feelings. So I decided to take it a step further and really just sit down with them and talk about everything but school. Talk about life. Talk about things they feel they have no control over and their plans after school. A couple want to go to college, so we spoke about that. Then we spoke of the troubles I went through. Which shocked them. All they saw was a guy playing professional basketball as a job and loving life, without knowing everything I had gone through recently to get here. Life is unfair, always will be if you see it that way. You just have to play with the cards you’re dealt. It's a vulnerable situation to be sharing a story like mine with kids you hardly know who have their own battles they aren't ready to share yet, but being able to converse with them about different aspects of it is an interesting and rewarding journey.

Anyway, we had a good talk for an hour or so and for the first time in seven weeks I really felt like I got somewhere with these kids, and it was a cool feeling. Then out of nowhere, a young boy walked out onto the outdoor courts very slowly. I asked him what he was doing and he said nothing. So I asked him again and he said he didn’t have class but he was only year 8 so I knew he was lying. So I asked him if he wanted to go for a walk and he picked up a ball and said yea. I just tried to speak to him but he didn’t want to talk at all and refused to look at me. I asked him his name and he finally whispered it to me. Then he looked up with tears in his eyes and said something that made the entire last two months worth it. “I was in your program two weeks ago, I lost my mum when I was younger and I hate it.” I asked him if that’s why he was outside and not in class and he started to cry and said “yes. Kids in my class were saying mean things about my mum and they just don’t know. Why does it always hurt?” I didn’t really have an answer for him, because I don’t know why it always hurts, I just assume it always will. But rather that you just continue to get through each day because you know you can. We chatted for a while and just shot some hoops and he started to smile again. I went to tell the teacher that I had stumbled upon this kid and they were shocked as they said he had run away hours before and they couldn’t find him, so I just explained to them what he had told me, so they knew what they were dealing with.

I went to find the kids in his class to talk to them. Not to tell them about this kids mother, but to tell them something I’ve learnt the hard way. “treat everyone as though they’re fragile, so that you don’t break the ones who are.” These kids are young and have their whole life ahead of them, so the whole premise behind our leadership talks with them is not for them to become perfect students or captains etc, but rather for when they face struggles in life, maybe they remember something I spoke about that can help them.

It’s a rewarding feeling to know that one simple story or one simple talk with someone can leave a lasting imprint on them in some positive way. As I said, when I started this role I wasn't sure if it was really going to be worth the time, but days like today definitely make it so. Pay it forward - in whatever way you can. One simple message that I’m trying to get across to everyone I come across, in hopes to brighten everyone I encounter. 

I'm blessed to be in the position I am and have an impactful story that can help others. As tough as my experiences have been, I can't help but feel that my story and my Mum's vision through which I am trying to live is now my gift to use to help others.

"Gifts aren't meant to be paid back, they're to be paid forward" - Cedric Crawford 

Life Vs Basketball: How basketball went from being a distraction to my happiness.

When I was real young, playing basketball was purely something I did for fun, without any real aspirations to play it at a high level. Now that I look back, I can see that basketball has been a basis for some of my life’s greatest moments, but also some of my lowest. What I have managed to learn from all the years is something that helps me constantly move forward.

It wasn’t until my teenager years did I realize I could perhaps go somewhere with it. I remember one day getting a Jacob Holmes 36ers jersey from my parents, and one day I got him to sign it. I remember my Mum telling me something that I completely brushed off at the time.

“One day that’ll be you signing a kids jersey,” she said.

When I left to go to college in America, I left at one of the worst possible times. I left just a month after my Mum had been diagnosed with bowel cancer. I didn’t want to go, but she made me. I had to try to compete at one of the highest levels of basketball for my age, while being thousands of miles away from a battling family. It wasn’t easy.

For my first four years of college, I used basketball as a distraction. It was a chance for me to escape the harsh reality that I was facing in my life. The moment I stepped onto the court, for training or games, I had two or three hours where all I could focus on was the game itself. It was soothing. I needed that distraction. For in reality, my spare time in college was always spent between calling my family, checking in with Mum on how she was feeling, how her treatments were going and praying for a miracle.

The first year was arguably the toughest. Thankfully, my family was flying over to see me play in my first home game of my college career. But it wasn’t to be. After battling with a sore foot for a few weeks, while my family was mid flight from Australia to USA, an MRI revealed a fracture in my foot that was to sideline me for the entire year. I was shattered. It wasn’t until they landed 13 hours later were I able to tell them the bad news. I was in a bad headspace. I had lost my distraction.

Thankfully, I got to spend two weeks with my family and my Mum showed me how I could get through the year. She said if she could battle cancer and keep smiling then I could get through my first year of college. It wasn’t easy, but I managed.

Two years on, and throughout many ups and downs with her treatments, basketball had become the perfect means of clearing my head, and it helped. It wasn’t as though I was truly enjoying the game – rather I was enjoying being able to focus on something positive for a change. An empty happiness. Things were going well for me, until I got that one phone call I had been dreading for four years. I’ll never forget the words from my Dad that left my world crushed and body shaking.

“I will never tell you to leave, but I think you have to come home, Pete.”

Two weeks after I had returned home, after spending some of memorable moments with my Mum, the inevitable hit and she passed away. Four years of battling it, many highs and lows for my whole family had come to an end in the worst possible way. However, I had to go back as it was my last promise to her. To finish off what I started. I’m forever thankful to my family for flying me back and being with me as I transitioned back into a life of basketball. There were many times during my few games back when I was ready to throw it all away. There was no distraction anymore, only reality. For four years of college basketball, after every game, no matter what time it was, the first message on my phone after the game was from my Mum. Now never again. Little did I know, she had one message left to send. An assist on a championship buzzer beater from the top of the key…

That moment, compiled with the opportunity to be the commencement speaker at my undergraduate ceremony one behalf of the class of 2015 and being awarded the inspiration award for Coaches vs Cancer, helped me realise the true value of life within my story, and gave me the chance to help others in similar positions to myself. That is something that really makes me happy. 

After college, I had aspirations of playing basketball at the highest level I possibly could, because it’s something I had spoken about with my Mum for many years. I had goals, and I still do. But I had never had a chance to play basketball for fun and to truly enjoy myself until now.

From college I went to England, and unfortunately ended up in a bad situation that had me close to quitting altogether. Again I was thousands of miles away from home, and at a breaking point ready to give it all away. I just wanted to find something to make me happy. I was being treated horribly and I hated every moment I had with basketball. I was down and out for the second time in two years. I had to leave. So I went home, with the hope that being back with family would help me smile again.

Thankfully I was offered a chance with Ballarat to play once again, close to home. I remember walking into the stadium the first day and meeting the assistant coach. He asked me what I had hoped to get out of my season, and I simply said, “I want to love basketball again.” And he simply responded “You will.” Then he asked me what is my next goal after that and I said that if I could love playing again, I want to make the NBL. I want to play here and be close to my family. And all he said was “I’ll get you there.”

I never truly thought I would be able to break into the NBL. There are only so many opportunities, but I never stopped working towards it. For the many times my agent called me and asked if he should start looking at teams overseas, I kept shutting it down. I wanted the NBL and nothing else. No matter how slim the odds looked, I just kept working for it.

Now here I am…

For the first time in as long as I can remember, basketball is a source of happiness. Playing with Melbourne is a dream come true. Being surrounded by not only good people but good teammates too. I’m thankful for that. It’s not always easy, nor do things always go well for me, but I am thankful for where I am. Recently, I flew with the team to America to fulfill a dream of playing on an NBA court against an NBA team. What an incredible experience. However, the day before the game, I came down awkwardly in training and all hurt my ankle. I was down, but unlike the past, I wasn’t out. If it wasn’t for the experiences I have had, I may have really struggled through that. To sit on the sideline and watch my team go toe-to-toe with the world’s best, it wasn’t easy, but I kept looking forward. Seeing how far I had come and how much I have ahead of me. I’m grateful for where I am right now, and I am truly happy every day because of it.

In the past three years, I have experienced some of the greatest moments in my life and also the ultimate worst… But last week I endured one of the most emotional ones.

My first career NBL game, at home in Adelaide, in front of my family and friends. The game had finished, and I got to see and hug everyone, and it truly felt special. This was a moment I had dreamed of, but there was one person missing. As I turned to head back to the locker room, it happened. A kid and his Mum stopped me and asked me to sign his jersey…

That hit me. After I gave him back the pen, I looked up and closed my eyes and simply smiled. That memory came flooding back to me.

“One day that’ll be you signing a kids jersey.”

She had one last message to send…

It’s those memories that I have forever, and it is now basketball, which has opened so many doors for me and given me a chance to truly be happy. Through everything I am able to truly appreciate the value of life, but also am able to understand how lucky I am. I’m unbelievably thankful for where I am and excited for the future. I don’t have to use it as a distraction anymore, rather use these feelings to remember that I am making my Mum proud, one game at a time.

And that’s the biggest win of all for me.

Thank you, Albany

Thank you, Albany.

The thing about new beginnings is that they require something else to end...

I don’t know where to begin. But, five years ago I made the decision to come across the other side of the world and try my luck at college basketball in America. Looking back, never in my wildest dreams would I have envisioned the journey I have had, and I owe it to everyone who has been around me throughout my time.

I was just a small country kid from South Australia when I was given the chance to come here to play basketball. I had no intentions of ever playing division 1 basketball, but I got this chance. I had no intentions of ever having the success I have had over my time here, but I did. I had no intentions of ever gaining a second family across the other side of the world, but I have.

I guess the normal trend of college sport is to come and play at a high level, get an education and then be on your way after that. But I never saw it like that. I saw a program and a community that took me in as one of their own, and showed me an experience that I still cannot fathom. And for that, I say thank you.

From the moment I stepped foot on this campus in 2011, I could never have predicted how my life would turn out over the next five years. From championships on the court to dual degrees in the classroom, my life will forever be different because of my time here. Through all my ups and downs, I have seen the true value of life firsthand, and the fragileness of it as well. I have always believed that family is the most important thing in the world, and I am special enough to have two of them on the opposite sides of the planet. 

Thank you to all the fans of the program who have ridden every high and every low with me and our teams for the past five years. We do everything for you because we see how much we all enjoy success together.

Thank you to the University for showing me how to not only get a great education and be surrounded by some incredible people, but to also show me that school goes much further than simply sitting in a classroom. Every student that has been through this University will forever be connected, because we all have this place together. I was so grateful to have the opportunity to speak on behalf of my graduating class last year, and I am so thankful to have been able to enjoy my academics as well as prosper in them.

Thank you to all my coaches who I have had over my career for getting me to where I am today on the basketball court. You took a small town country kid from Australia and helped me achieve more success than I could have ever dreamed of. Three championships in succession, along with many other incredible memories. You helped me grow and you helped me shine, and for that I thank you.

Thank you Coach Brown, for not only helping me to reach my full potential as a basketball player, but for also being something much more to me as a person. I don’t think players are supposed to have had the relationship we had, but the way you watched over me and guided me in all my ways of life, I can never say thank you enough for. Whenever I struggled or fell, your door was always open to help me stand again.  You could have taken a chance on anyone else, but you chose me. You never knew who I was, heck you probably didn’t even know if I could really play basketball, but you took a chance. We have been through a lot together, but the one thing that I will forever remember is how you have helped me become the man I am today. So for so many things, I say thank you.

Thank you to my teammates, all of them who I have had the privilege of playing alongside across my time here. I shouldn’t refer to you as just teammates, because you are so much more than that, you are my brothers. Through all the highs and all the lows, you showed me the true value of a team, but even more so, you showed me the true value of family. I love you all. I will forever miss our locker room shenanigans and bus rides, but when we see each other again years down the track, I can’t wait to bask in the memories together. I wish you all the most success in your future endeavors you are all destined for greatness in so many different ways, and best believe I will be following your every move. Purplefam for life.

Taking away all my on court and off court success, I have managed to have the time of my life here at UAlbany. I learned so much about myself along this journey that I have become a better man for it. I have made friends for life and a second home that will always be here for me. I don’t know how many people can truly say that, so I feel deeply privileged to have been a part of such a great school, program and community. I gave everything I had to this place, and my only regret is that I can't do it all again. I hope that I have left my mark on some people's lives and made them better, because that has always been important to me. I leave this place a better basketballer, a better student but perhaps most importantly, a better person. And ultimately, that’s all I could have ever asked for.

I used to think that playing basketball at college in America would be the toughest challenge I would face when I first came here. But I was wrong. The toughest challenge was being able to take all the highs and lows that college throws at you and still stand. It was being able to realize that college is all about making mistakes and learning from them and growing and becoming better for it. College is a stepping-stone to your future, and I have left so many beautiful footprints behind me as I have stepped on forth.

If I had to give advice to anyone who was about to take a step towards their college life, it would be quite simple - enjoy every single moment. Laugh when you can and cry when you have to. Live in every moment and don't look back, it'll be over before you know it. And always... always, be thankful and put others first, because you never know what could happen next.

My time here is nearly at an end, and it truly saddens me to see it go. But all good things must come to an end I guess…

I don't know what God has in store for me next, but what I know for sure is that I will forever be a Great Dane and I will forever have a special home right here!

From the bottom of my heart,

Thank you, Albany.

Until next time...

Peter Hooley #12