Pay It Forward

I haven’t written a post in a while, mainly because I really only choose to write them when I feel like something is directing me too. And today I feel compelled to share some things that I have experienced recently

PAY. IT. FORWARD.

I have been trying to employ these three words into the way I live my life ever since my Mum passed away. As I had written in previous posts, my Mum used to always preach to me the importance of putting others first, before yourself, and that when you make other’s happy, there is no better feeling in the world. Through everything I have been through and continue to go through, I try to embody this simple yet important message in my life.

In a simple definition, paying it forward is the simple task of doing good by someone else without expecting anything in return other than hoping they then continue that trend onto someone else and so on.

For the last couple of months, while I play for Ballarat in the SEABL, I have also been spending 3 to 4 days a week at a school in a “mentoring” role. Everyone on both the mens/womens teams do extra community work throughout the week, whether that be coaching or running clinics etc. However, after doing those hours last year, it was decided that this year – myself, Sam Short and women’s captain Joy Burke would be used as ambassadors/mentors at different schools in Ballarat to help out with students/classes that need our help. To be honest, when I had heard about the idea, I wasn’t sure what the role would really consist of and didn’t know whether it would be worth the time. Until today…

My role has consisted of spending these days at the school doing one of two things. One of these is that Joy and I do “Leadership” programs with three different classes a week for an hour each. However, it isn’t so much discussing how each student can be a leader like a captain etc, but rather how each student can find different ways to lead in their own lives. Whether they are battling something big or small that they can figure out ways to respond to it and help them grow as they get older etc. Half of our sessions involve different leadership activities to get the students engaged and thinking conceptually, and then we finish by me sharing with them the personal story of my own loss and growth with my Mum's cancer battle while I was away at college. It’s more than just showing a video of a miracle shot or talking about playing professional sport, but rather breaking down with them the choices I had as I went through that difficult time and how to move forward. We encourage the kids to find us at school when we are walking around and talk with us or send us emails if they need to chat, just to know that there’s always people for them to talk to other than teachers, whom most are afraid to speak to anyway.

The other days, I spend up in a student support room. It’s a room where kids can come to speak with people if they’re struggling with things or just need a break or to calm down. It’s a great initiative for a school to have. While I’m there, I get assigned hour blocks with different kids across the week, to just spend time with them and grow a relationship throughout the school year. For the most part, these kids have real troubled or sad backgrounds with tough homes. For the last few weeks, I have just spent time with them and just talked about different things in life, from sport to fortnite, just trying to grow a relationship with them. But today was different…

Today I was spending time with one of the students and some older kids outside on the basketball court, trying to get them to tell me why they keep missing school and getting into trouble. Full of responses like “F*$k school, I don’t need it anyway” and “they treat me like S*%t here” sometimes it’s hard to break through to these kids. We’ve all been there, through high school and the bad times, so you can understand some of their feelings. So I decided to take it a step further and really just sit down with them and talk about everything but school. Talk about life. Talk about things they feel they have no control over and their plans after school. A couple want to go to college, so we spoke about that. Then we spoke of the troubles I went through. Which shocked them. All they saw was a guy playing professional basketball as a job and loving life, without knowing everything I had gone through recently to get here. Life is unfair, always will be if you see it that way. You just have to play with the cards you’re dealt. It's a vulnerable situation to be sharing a story like mine with kids you hardly know who have their own battles they aren't ready to share yet, but being able to converse with them about different aspects of it is an interesting and rewarding journey.

Anyway, we had a good talk for an hour or so and for the first time in seven weeks I really felt like I got somewhere with these kids, and it was a cool feeling. Then out of nowhere, a young boy walked out onto the outdoor courts very slowly. I asked him what he was doing and he said nothing. So I asked him again and he said he didn’t have class but he was only year 8 so I knew he was lying. So I asked him if he wanted to go for a walk and he picked up a ball and said yea. I just tried to speak to him but he didn’t want to talk at all and refused to look at me. I asked him his name and he finally whispered it to me. Then he looked up with tears in his eyes and said something that made the entire last two months worth it. “I was in your program two weeks ago, I lost my mum when I was younger and I hate it.” I asked him if that’s why he was outside and not in class and he started to cry and said “yes. Kids in my class were saying mean things about my mum and they just don’t know. Why does it always hurt?” I didn’t really have an answer for him, because I don’t know why it always hurts, I just assume it always will. But rather that you just continue to get through each day because you know you can. We chatted for a while and just shot some hoops and he started to smile again. I went to tell the teacher that I had stumbled upon this kid and they were shocked as they said he had run away hours before and they couldn’t find him, so I just explained to them what he had told me, so they knew what they were dealing with.

I went to find the kids in his class to talk to them. Not to tell them about this kids mother, but to tell them something I’ve learnt the hard way. “treat everyone as though they’re fragile, so that you don’t break the ones who are.” These kids are young and have their whole life ahead of them, so the whole premise behind our leadership talks with them is not for them to become perfect students or captains etc, but rather for when they face struggles in life, maybe they remember something I spoke about that can help them.

It’s a rewarding feeling to know that one simple story or one simple talk with someone can leave a lasting imprint on them in some positive way. As I said, when I started this role I wasn't sure if it was really going to be worth the time, but days like today definitely make it so. Pay it forward - in whatever way you can. One simple message that I’m trying to get across to everyone I come across, in hopes to brighten everyone I encounter. 

I'm blessed to be in the position I am and have an impactful story that can help others. As tough as my experiences have been, I can't help but feel that my story and my Mum's vision through which I am trying to live is now my gift to use to help others.

"Gifts aren't meant to be paid back, they're to be paid forward" - Cedric Crawford