In a time like this, there are plenty of obstacles to add to our pursuit of happiness. There are a lot of unknowns over the next few weeks, months and years. And all of us have been affected in one way or another. We’d probably all be forgiven if we were really struggling right now. But what are you really looking at? Personally I’ve been through much worse, that losing a couple jobs and cancelling my wedding etc, are things I know I’ll get through. So much is out of our control right now, and mental health has never been more crucial. So while you’re reading this, I challenge you to reach out to a mate who might be facing a tough time right now. Just ask how they’re doing — it’ll do more good than you realize.
For as long as I can remember, my pursuit of happiness always involved playing basketball. Growing up, I could always only see myself playing basketball for the rest of my life. From playing state, to college, to professional, I ticked off every box i had hoped. As a young naive teenager, I had tunnel vision for basketball. I wanted to get to every level that others told me I couldn’t get to. I got cut from my U14 state team, but i wanted to make the next. Then cut from U16 two years in a row. Playing Division 2 domestic, I was then cut from U18 my first year attempt. But my second year at U18, I made the team. I could tick that off, and man, was i happy to be part of that national tournament. But then I wanted more. I managed to make U20’s nationals two years in a row, which catapulted me into my scholarship at UAlbany. After so many disappointing years growing up, basketball was finally happening for me. My dreams were being ticked off and I was happy. Until all of a sudden, I wasn’t.
When my Mum originally got diagnosed with cancer in 2011, my perspective changed completely. I realized my vision was too narrow. It was too selfish. As i was growing up each year, my head seemingly wasn’t. I was in my own bubble. Mum getting sick showed me the inevitably fragile nature of life. Life is too short to be anything but happy. But if you’re only focused on yourself, then you’ll never truly be happy. And Mum showed me all this in all those months she battled cancer. Your happiness will never come entirely from something like a job, or a moment, but so much more.
I’ll never forget that. For me, it became all about choices. If I was happy with the decision I’ve made, then I could smile. What am I choosing to look at? The shit times I’m facing, or all the good that I have? The ones I love around me or the ones i’ve lost? To fall victim to those negative thoughts, it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But it’s our choice. I saw this first hand from Mum as she battled cancer for four years. Why wasn’t she mad/upset to go to her fifth treatment that week? Why was she smiling with chemo going through her arm? Why was she feeling sick at 3am but watching me play on the other side of the world? Why was she making sure the rest of her family was ok, when she was the one that needed all the help? They were her choices. We might have every reason in the world to be down, but maybe you’re looking at the this life all wrong.
A lot of people asked me why I stopped playing basketball last year, and the truth is, because I felt my path had changed. I lost the joy I used to have of stepping onto to the court. I tried many different things to get it back, tried to approach it many different ways, but it ultimately became clearer and clearer that I was ready to try something else in my life. I had been blessed with the chance to taste success at every level I played at, and for a long time thought playing basketball was my single source of happiness. But after all that, it became enough for me to realize it was time for something new. From college championships to professional ones, I had ticked all my boxes, it was time to change paths. At least for the time being.
When i came home from college in the middle of my junior year to be with Mum as she passed, I promised her I would finish what I started. But I wasn’t referring to just basketball. I was talking about my next steps in life. About using what she taught me during those last couple years to make myself a better person. A happier and stronger person. I went back, won another championship, got a Master’s degree in media communications, and got ready to start life beyond school. I knew my first step was to pursue professional basketball, and that’s what i did. I went to England for six months to start and it didn’t work out at all. I was being treated terribly and I started to find that the focus of my happiness was selfishly shifting little by little. And with being away from my family for almost six years, I knew it was time to come home.
I was lucky enough to get a chance to play for Melbourne soon after, and I found a new happiness. I was surrounded by family and friends, my partner had moved across from America with me and we started our life here. Things were going well. Until that last year, when those little cracks in my mind started to get bigger and bigger. I tried to change my mindset so many times, but it wasn’t working. It started to change who I was as a person. I was angry all the time, I was so anxious just to step onto the court, knowing my head was somewhere else. That’s when I started to really buy into what my Mum taught me those years. I was focusing so much on myself, that I had driven myself to this place I didn’t want to be at. So I had to make a change. I could have moved states/countries to play somewhere else, but I knew it wouldn’t make me happy right now. I had just got engaged, and I knew I was happy here, to start building our life together with family and friends around. To be close to help family, help my fiancé, and start a whole new chapter of our lives as we look to get married and beyond, was enough to make me start to smile again.
Thankfully I was given the chance to chase jobs I always wanted, in the media. I kept it in my back pocket for so long, and I knew now was the time to jump into this next step. I had a whole new outlook on things, and was enjoying every bit of it. I was commentating games and loving it. I was doing radio shows and knew it was something I wanted to do for my future. And I have had the chance to tell my story and everything I have learnt to different schools/groups/people that makes all those tough times worth it. Will I ever pick up a ball again? Maybe. But in a different way and with a different mindset. Right now It is all slowly coming together, but such a long way to go. And whilst I couldn’t be happier starting all this, I knew it wasn’t just the work that had made me smile, but so much more. Yea, i was doing something something I loved, but I was loving just living with who was around me. All these visions in my mind of what could come next, what I can build with my friends and family around me. No more selfish mindsets. This was it.
One of my all time favourite books/movies is ”Into The Wild.” A story of Chris McCandless, and whilst I won’t ruin it for you, there’s one thing he said that’ll stick with me forever.
”Happiness is only real, when shared.”
My journey is a different one, but I have been on so many different pursuits for happiness, and only recently really discovered what it truly meant. During these last few months, it’s been tough for so many of us, and I am sure there are more to come. And I have had my moments where I start to think things have gone backwards whilst i cant work, whilst i cant find new opportunities to start, with nothing to look forward to, and it gets a little scary. But I can’t look at it that way. I want to look at the possibilities of what is to come. At the new paths ahead of me and my family and friends. At the beautiful things we can all do and create.
You might be in a bad way right now, but right now isn’t normal. We’ll all get through this, and we’ll all be better for it. So smile when you can, cry when you have to, and choose to look at the good you have around you. No matter how small it may be, there is always something to smile at :)
“Happiness is a direction, not a place.” - Sydney J. Harris
